Chocolate Chip Consternation

By Momar Van Der Camp, Overland Park, Kansas. Momar is a budding independent comic writer, screenwriter and all-around creative wit.

Begin by stirring a large pot of a gravy-like substance that might or might not contain the same structure of chocolate or may even appear to be chocolate (but doesn’t have to be). If one wishes to contain the largest explosion of power, take the mixing bowl into the rain (for this can only be done while the skies leak down onto the Earth you call home. You must place the large bowl upon the top of your cranium and spin, counter-clockwise diagonally over an open field filled with the carcasses of fallen soldiers or war-heroes from the past (or even still containing the bones of those warlords that used to overthrow the lands you live on a daily basis). Once your stomach fills with the death of your soul and you bursting with the blackness of rotting flesh, the bowl contains enough sky-leakage to move forward with the experiment. Lie down in the open field and beg the forgiveness of the sky above you for damning it for all eternity with your rotten dance for chocolate chips. Wipe your face with the tail of your shirt and stand up, brushing from your back any unwanted carcass residue. Grab the bowl or earthen cup as you shall now call it and dump the contents onto the ground into the muddy levee that blossoms beneath your damp feet. This last feat will deem how appropriate your sacrifice to HG* will be. If cookies sprout from the refuse that you were once lying in, rejoice. If nothing happens, smash the earthen cup down upon your freed toes and bleed upon the mess lying below you. Renew your dance to the sky and try anew. When blood loss becomes a problem, consult the nearest physician.

* HG is the story of a man born into the freedom of the spaces above him. He stood at the four corners of the universe, all at the same time, smoking a rather large wooden pipe. On every fifth passing of the stars of Ganymede, HG would tip the contents of his pipe out onto the passing stars. Each fleck of ash would follow the path of the stars to a new destination, forming new worlds and new planets. This is how reality was born.